Beauty Without Fuss

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Dove: a conversation about bottle shapes


Dove: "Each bottle evokes the shapes, sizes, curves and edges that combine to make every woman their very own limited edition,"

Get Lippie: "Oh grow the fuck up. It's unnecessary, unneeded, unrequired and unasked for. It's also unwelcome.  Do you really think us fat fuckers people are so absolutely insecure that we need our body lotions to look like us? Or was the thinking more like 'they're so fat that their chubby little fingers won't be able to pick up a skinny-minnie ickle bottle of lotion? WE CAN SAVE THEM FROM THEMSELVES, HALLELUJAH!!!!'  Please, let me tell you, as a fat bitch person I do not weep when a fucking  plastic receptacle bottle of lotion in entirely practical and sensible packaging doesn't look like me, because I am not a total fucking moron crazy person. Are you high, Dove? Are you insane? Or are you, yet again, trying to sell more products off the back of patronising fat people by pandering to a need that doesn't fucking exist?  Fuck off back to fuck and when you get there, fuck off some more, thanks, Lippie"

"PS the new bottles are horrible. Horrible. They look like they'd be impossible to hold, and even awkward to get the lotion out of. You want to make a new bottle to help us chubby fucking bitches people use your lotion? Invest some money in making it ergonomic. Then make it properly recyclable and even non-slippery. Make a single bottle shape that's usable for anyone of any shape, size or ability to use. That's true inclusivity. Different bottle shapes as a "celebration", my arse*."

* My arse is not available at this time for comment. 

Get Lippie has run out of swears. 


Friday, 5 May 2017

Jason Calming Lavender Deodorant Stick


Now, I'm not a particularly sweaty person, and I'm not usually a particularly smelly one either. Except … when I use this, the Jason Calming Lavender Deodorant Stick, I apparently am. 


The deodorant stick promises "clinically tested all day odor protection"  with  "no aluminum, parabens, phthalates or or propylene glycol".  It uses a mix of zinc, cornstarch and baking soda, and (I must say)  it smells amazing. The lavender scent is gorgeous, a herby-menthol woosh of cool and calming lavender, it's a joy to apply, smooth, silky, it doesn't drag, and feels lovely on the pits. 

But. It. Doesn't. Bloody. Work. 

At. All. 


You.  Will. Smell. 


You get, maybe, an hours smell-protection *tops*.   I noticed earlier this week that I was getting a bit whiffy towards lunchtime (and bear in mind I have a smell disability that renders body-smells almost entirely  "invisible" to me - so if *I* could smell it, god alone knows how "fragrant" I have been to others!), but even in spite of scrupulous daily pit hygiene (as a recovering anosmic, multiple pit washings and deodorant applications are a daily - paranoid - fact of life), this stuff is a dud. A big, fat, SMELLY dud. 

Shame, I'd been hoping to move from the "triple strength" chemical, aluminium-heavy stuff I've been relying on for the last couple of years since I lost my sense of smell, but it looks like this was not the greatest place to start.

Jason Calming Lavender Deodorant Stick? You STINK. 
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